Bride’s Debts before “Arranged” First Night!

Introduction

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Families, who are not financially well off, prefer to take hefty loans for marriage celebrations. 

Why? 

Now, without wasting any more time, let’s dive into the topic, “Bride’s Debts before “Arranged” First Night!“.

Bride’s debt

Courtesy – YouTube

Unanswered Questions

Before jumping onto the main issue, we need first to answer three essential and relevant questions.

Celebration before Birth. Have you ever seen a family start celebrating before a baby takes birth or knowing the baby’s sex (girl or boy)? No! Why? 

Courtesy – YouTube

Because the extent of the celebration continuously varies and starts only after the SEX of the baby is known.

Actual Question. When we don’t celebrate before the actual result of a major event like examination or competition, is out, then why do we consider it normal to spend our life’s savings in marriage celebration even before our daughter’s or son’s wedding night?

Calculation by Birth. In India, as soon as a family is blessed with a baby, the imagination of the family members shoots up immediately to reach the newborn baby’s wedding (which will happen after 25+ years!)!

If it’s a Boy. ‘God is great! Now we can sit and relax.

the family go out of the way celebrate after baby’s delivery.

The new mother is hailed as a hero, as if she has conquered over a big city. they family gets into calculation mode, how their course of life has changed just because of newly born baby boy.

The son will bring home a dowry, and the wedding expenditure will be managed by (sucked out of) the girl’s family.’

On the other hand, if it’s a Girl. The family feels as if God has cheated them, and they start preparing for the next kid (hoping that it would be a boy so that the wedding expenses and the dowry transactions even out). 

then the family behaves as if every family member has lost their kidney.

As if someone had robbed their house of money, respect, and happiness.

The whole blame of having a girl child lands up on the head of new mother, as if she didn’t mix all the chemicals properly, required for giving birth to a baby boy.

Mostly, the new mother is treated as a loser and asked to try one more time for the sake of baby boy. Now, whether that new mother wants to try again for a baby boy or not, no one is interested to know.

Some major questions that still hit the family are, ‘What if a dowry is asked for the girl’s wedding, and how much? 

How would they manage to collect that dowry?

How will the wedding expenditures be taken care of?

Facts Check

Tirupati Priest’s Dare-Devil Stunt. An Indian confectioner made sure that his daughter truly was the golden girl on her wedding day by covering her in gold jewellery worth more than Rs 4 crores.

The man, who was not named, nevertheless came under fire after it was revealed that he needed a policeman to guard him and his daughter as they arrived at the wedding in India’s southern state of Andhra Pradesh.

 

The Great Ambani Saga. According to a report on NewsX, the estimated cost of Ms Isha Ambani and Mr Anand Piramal’s wedding is around Rs 724 crores ($100 million).

Interestingly, this equals the wedding cost of Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales, in 1981, 38 years ago.

If someone has the money to spend, NOBODY SHOULD HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH IT AT ALL. It’s their money, and they have the full right to spend it the way they want. They have toiled hard to accumulate it!

Actual Scenario

As soon as the girl and the boy say ‘yes’ and decide to go ahead with the proposed marriage (more so in the case of an imposed arranged marriage), the families on both sides immediately swing into action and try to copy the Ambanis.

Courtesy – YouTube

Money Matters! Now when this match is finalized, the discussion is diverted towards the amount of money that needs to be spent for the engagement and the wedding ceremony (dowry, too) and who will pay for what.

A virtual film-set shoots up on the scene. 

The girl’s father is, by default, made the ‘Producer’ who spends all the money. 

The boy’s father is the ‘Director’ who pulls most of the strings. 

The boy’s mother starts preparing herself for the new entry in her life, the daughter-in-law. 

The girl’s mother hides behind the scenes as a ‘spot boy. 

The significant calculations for the preparations start, as mentioned below:

(a) The Celebration of the Engagement. Venue setup, buffet layout, and most importantly, the engagement rings.

(b) Wedding Ceremony. The main wedding ceremony, along with other related traditions such as Mehendi, Sangeet, and so on (depending upon the kind of family), is a significant source of emotional and financial stress for the girl’s family. 

Again, there is the venue set up, buffet layout, mandap, a stage with throne-like chairs for the bride and the groom, and so on. Mind you, in some families, the wedding preparations and ceremonies stretch up to two months!

The ground reality of the situation is that while performing all these ceremonies, the girl’s family (and the boy’s family) starts letting money flow out like water over all sorts of expenditures. 

Irrespective of all the meticulous planning a family tries, the expenditure always shoots up beyond what’s in their hand.

India is one of the world’s largest consumers of gold, and Indians spend massive amounts of money to buy gold jewellery for weddings. 

More recently, several wealthy Indians have been seen sporting clothes made from gold thread.

(c) Guests too! The culture of spending has roots that go deeper than this, for even the guests who’re merely there to attend these ceremonies start wondering months in advance about what they would require for the big day. 

Whether it would be the summer or winter season, they would buy new clothes for the whole family. 

Rapidly growing kids who have outgrown their last-purchased fancy clothes will demand new ones.

‘The gift’ is the next tricky boomerang. 

If the family decides to give money or ‘Shagun’ in a fancy envelope, another million questions crop up about how much would be an appropriate amount? 

Some people even maintain a register where they record the details of the gifts or money given by families when they attended a wedding on this side. 

So, when one of these guest families becomes the host, the records are consulted, and it becomes a straightforward game of tit-for-tat!

(d) Total Expenditure. A crazy amount of money gets spent by the girl’s family, the boy’s family, and the guests attending the wedding ceremonies.

All this currency gets in trouble even before the commencement of the couple’s wedding night.

Mind you, the wedding night, the primary litmus test for the newlywed couple to figure out their compatibility for the rest of their lives, is yet to happen! 

But all their family’s savings are gone, spent away for a brief period of merrymaking. 

Not a single rupee is left for the bride and the groom!

(e) Bollywood Influence. Blockbuster Bollywood movies, such as “Hum Aapke Hain Kaun” by the renowned film director Sooraj Bharjatya, influence Indian families to emulate the setup, the clothes, the jewellery, and what not in the best feasible way. 

However, the film had earned crores by spending money on that wedding ceremony for the silver screen, but the stupid families, by copying the wedding theme as shown in the movie, took on terrible debts.

Courtesy – YouTube

(f) Destination Wedding. A destination wedding is an opportunity for the couple to celebrate their wedding at a gorgeous destination of their choosing, away from home. 

Couples get married in stunning locations worldwide, such as the Caribbean, Mexico, Hawaii, and Europe. 

If someone has the money, like Bollywood celebrities, a destination wedding is a blind option. 

The industry of ‘Destination Weddings’ is a different game altogether, and it costs a bomb!

Courtesy – YouTube

The Confused Bride!

Double Standards. Throughout a girl’s life in India, she is brought up with lots of restrictions regarding her freedom of social movement, the money in her hand, her choice of education, her willingness to do specific jobs, have friends, etc.

Instead of spending on girls’ education and other life-improving activities, a girl’s parents prefer to save money to put up a grand show for her wedding celebration. 

A girl often finds herself confused at the sudden change of her parents’ stand from being miserly to extravagant spenders! 

The same father who used to ask her hundreds of questions before handing over any money to her for her requirements suddenly starts spending his life’s savings to the tune of millions for her wedding?

Is this ‘fatherly love’ justified? No! It’s cowardice on the father’s part who is more bothered about his fake social image than what is good for his daughter! 

We are sorry to use terms like ‘an ass’ for a girl’s father, but this is the truth.

After he has successfully made an expensive show of the forced arranged marriage, the bride’s father may as well tell his daughter this right before the wedding night:

“My dear daughter, although I always counted the money before giving it to you for your basic expenses, I didn’t trust any money today while spending for your wedding ceremony with an arranged husband that you will sleep with now.

Whenever you asked me for money, I always counter questioned you about being sure that you would not be wasting it.

Still, I never asked any such questions from your arranged husband’s family while spending on expensive gifts (under the table dowry) for them!

Although I didn’t spend enough on your education, just now I have busted millions of rupees to celebrate your wedding!

My dear daughter, today I am asking you to stop worrying about any future requirements that you might have because I have already spent millions on your wedding and the dowry/gifts for your arranged’ in-laws’! 

I can assure you that you will not have to worry about anything from this moment on. In case you need anything, please request your’ in-laws’. 

Relax now and prepare for the next big game with your arranged husband, who is eagerly waiting for you with his pants down! 

BEST OF LUCK, MY DAUGHTER! BEST OF LUCK!”

Loans

Most Indian families (especially those of girls) end up taking on loans while preparing for and executing lavish wedding ceremonies. 

Families seeking loans for weddings are widely accepted in India, and even the banks clear such loans comfortably.

Many a time, the real hardship and financial burden are realized after the wedding ceremony gets over. 

If the family has more than one daughter, then even God gets stressed over the outstanding post-wedding issues.

But, the main question remains unanswered. Are such wedding loans worth it? 

Girl’s Family’s Blues

As soon as the wedding gets over, the actual problems start the very next moment. 

All the expenditures are calculated, as the existing wedding loans from banks and other relatives are waiting to be repaid. Now, what to do?

Parents are often at the last leg of their career or are already retired at this point. 

If there is one at all, the pension is only 50% of the total salary the family has earned to date. 

They have a good part of their life already ahead of them and various lifestyle ailments such as diabetes, depression, cancer, etc., which also require a good amount of money for treatment.

Nude Show! Once the wedding ceremony is over, millions of rupees have been in trouble over wedding preparations, money that her parents saved up by living a life of constraints, and her soul starts crying in pain. 

Widowed mothers are left to fend with the pending loans wasted in marriage celebrations.

She also knows that whatever her father is doing or has done is under the influence of social pressure that he could not withstand.

Nuclear Way. With families slowly shifting to a nuclear setup, the son or daughter will soon shift out after the wedding to start their own nuclear family. 

With all their savings already busted over the wedding celebrations, the fun now starts! 

They will never have an everyday life or will never be rich!

Real-Life Incident

In a shocking and first such incident, a head priest of Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams (TTD) confessed to stealing ornaments from the temple to get his daughters married.

The accused, identified as Kattu Venkata Ramana Dikshitulu, was the Lord Sri Kodanda Ramaswamy temple in Tirupati.

The incident became known after the priest was questioned by TTD officials when they found ornaments worth Rs 10 lakh missing during the stock-taking of the temple jewellery. ‘I know, I have committed a crime.

I have three daughters, and poverty forced me to do this,’ the priest said.

Even the agents of Gods are not spared from this form of stupidity and the harsh reality of the double standards of society!

Bride’s Still Stressed?

Natural Gift. Girls are supposed to be very emotional about their parents (especially fathers) and are blessed with a mental antenna that can sense even those irrelevant signals for boys.

After the wedding gets over, she moves with her husband but keeps getting worried about the well-being of her parents.

She is very aware that her parents have spent all their life savings over her wedding ceremonies, and now, with the ever-increasing cost of living and the existing medical ailments, their life will be more challenging.

Forced Expenditure. If the boy’s family forces the girl’s family to make extravagant spendings over the wedding celebration, the problem escalates further.

A girl is forced to remain quiet despite the issues surrounding her, but at the bottom of her heart, she knows quite clearly who is responsible for pushing her parents to spill out their pockets far over their means or capabilities.

Although she remains silent all through the wedding celebration, she remembers it for a long time after, when all the people responsible for her pain are held accountable and are punished.

Husbands are spared. But life starts taking a toll on the boy’s parents.

After 5 to 10 years of marriage, the result starts becoming visible, with the splitting of the son from his parents.

Bride’s Withdrawal. Instead of enjoying their new life, especially the girls who shift abroad after getting married, their mind space is filled with concern for their parents and their financial hardship.

Since her husband and family have their own lives to struggle through, they never try to get back to the girl’s parents to find out if they are okay.

It is mostly assumed that they are fine and will manage.

She has no one at her new home to share her vibrant blues with, thus suffering in isolation without clarifying her parents’ financial status.

More Girls? In case the bride has a younger sister or sisters, the cruel dance starts all over again.

She has seen the dance at her wedding and can very well imagine what will be happening next.

Problem Escalates. Slowly, the bride starts withdrawing herself from active married life, giving the husband all the reasons to be confused.

Sometimes, the husband starts feeling that his arranged wife is an idiot who has gotten some psychological problems (resulting in physical problems too) and starts feeling the unseen pain in his own life.

This situation is very confusing for both. In fact, for everyone.

Few More Questions

1. Which religious book or constitution dictates the requirement of parents to spend millions on wedding celebrations? No idea!

2. What exactly have or will your parents gain by spending millions on your wedding? No clue!

3. Will such weddings guarantee a better-married life or sexual pleasures for the couple? No clue!

4. Will such an extravaganza help the couple in maintaining a luxurious life? Definitely not!

5. How will the attendance of more than 300 guests, devouring food at a rate of Rs 400 per plate, help the newlywed couple in having a good future?

Many people will say that the blessings of all the loved ones are required for a happy marriage. Absolutely true!

But will such sacred blessings be showered on the new couple only in exchange for millions being spent at the wedding with a plate of food valuing more than Rs 400 (going up to Rs 5000 in some cases)?

All food consumed during the wedding must go down the shitpot eventually! No one can carry that expensive food in their stomach for more than one night!

6. Of all the guests who attend your wedding ceremony, how many are known to you? Do you even remember all of their names while seeking their blessings at the stage?

7. Does anyone on either side of the family ever consider the money that the newlywed couple will require to run their married life?

8. Is it not an innovative idea to gift the newlywed couple with money so that they don’t have to worry about it for a while to come?

They can spend that money on their honeymoon or their future life together without worries.

They wish to have a luxury car or an exotic extended honeymoon!

9. Do the existing wedding malpractices show the social immaturity of one of the oldest civilizations of the world?

A Positive Example

In the days of ostentatious weddings, with even middle-class families spending lakhs of rupees on them, an Indian Administrative Services (IAS) officer from Andhra is setting a splendid example for others to follow.

Patnala Basanth Kumar, Commissioner at the Visakhapatnam Metropolitan Region Development Authority (VMRDA), spent only Rs 36,000 for his son’s wedding.

The families of the bridegroom and the bride made a total expenditure of only Rs 18,000 each on the ceremony, including the lunch for the guests.

In 2017, Basanth Kumar had also hosted his daughter’s wedding with equal simplicity, spending only Rs 16,100 on it. 

People say that he is setting an excellent example at a time when many families are wasting enormous amounts of money on weddings, making them the occasion for a vulgar display of wealth.

Why can’t we do this too? Again, the million-dollar question arises.

1. If this IAS officer can be mature enough to spend only Rs 36,000 and Rs 18,000 on his son’s and daughter’s weddings, respectively, what stops us from following him?

2. Are we too stupid to understand the basic mathematics and requirements of the newly wedded couple?

3. Do we require to crack the Indian Administrative Services Examination first to understand this basic life equation?

Parents, Please Stop!

After getting married and being blessed with kids, life throws new problems at the couple, such as buying a new house (requiring home loans), a bigger vehicle for all to move together (requiring a vehicle loan), good education for the kids (bringing on an education loan), etc.

Life becomes tough.

The parents need to think many times before buying a bungalow, a luxury car, or sending the kids to premium schools, but suddenly, when the kids reach a marriageable age, the whole thought process changes.

Suddenly, both parents become too extravagant and spend money as if there is no limit.

Once the kids are educated, start earning well at their jobs, have their social circle, why does this requirement of damaging all your life’s savings over their weddings even exist?

They are grown-ups and have their dreams and ideas about enjoying their marriage and life.

Why can’t we leave the couple alone then?

Let them decide the details of this once-in-a-lifetime event and resolve issues such as:

Who to marry?

When to marry?

How to marry?

Where to marry?

Where to have the honeymoon?

How much to spend on the wedding?

Old Mistakes. During ancient times when our parents got married, nothing was asked of them, and their opinion didn’t matter.

But that doesn’t mean that present-day parents should also force their kids to be the same.

Trust your girl or boy. Today, most girls and boys are well educated. With the internet being used in its best form today, they are well-informed.

With a graduation degree and a job in hand, they know how to deal with life and the people around them.

Let them differentiate right from wrong using their wits.

Explicit Truth. If you believe that a couple needs to manage their married life on their own, why not let them decide what kind of wedding celebration they want to.

You have already lived through the best years of your life, but they have theirs still ahead of them.

Save your hard-earned money for your and your spouse’s retirement instead of wasting it on unwanted wedding celebrations.

Conclusion

Weddings should be more straightforward and more about the union of two souls instead of a fake social dance!

A girl will have a more relaxed married life with less guilt over having busted her parents’ life savings for her wedding celebration, further reducing the chance of marital disharmony in the future!

Final Word

Life, by itself, is too complicated and full of surprises.

Let’s not complicate it further with our stupidity!

Also, marriage has more relevance in terms of great sex and soul-to-soul compatibility than an unwarranted social show in the form of extravagant wedding ceremonies!

Future Prediction

We hope that a day will come when all these unnecessary wedding-related expenses will be shunned by one and all.

An Income Tax raid will be an automatic outcome for those making unrealistic wedding expenditures.

Over-expenditure for weddings will be looked down upon.

Courtesy – YouTube

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